Monday, June 23, 2014

I'm Rusty

Something happens to me every summer and now that I'm looking to my future, I'm starting to consider the consequences. Each school year, I'm excited. The summer is ending, you've got first day jitters, the smell of new pencils permeates the classrooms, new notebooks crackle as they open, everyone dresses to impress. I go in full of motivation to do my very best and get great grades and make new friends and pack a whole lotta knowledge into my cranium. This lasts for about a month until the novelty of a new school year wears off and I settle into a routine. I groove along for a few more weeks, and by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, I'm ready for a break and I start my Christmas countdown. The holidays are fabulous but second semester rolls around like you knew it would and you settle into the groove again. Spring fever bites and a trip to the beach scratches the itch quite nicely, but by then visions of summer and lazy days and bright sunshine and tan lines buzz around in your head all day and the last day of school can't come fast enough. Summer arrives and I'm ready to crash. The first few weeks are full of glorious reclusiveness and nap times and nothing. But then the middle of June kicks in and I'm stir crazy. By this time the laziness of summer is in full swing and even though I'm itching to get out and do something, I have no motivation to do it. I have things I know I should do but I still don't do them. I'm stuck in this cycle of nothing being done about the fact that there is nothing being done.

Because of this, I am always excited for a new school year to start. Spontaneity is fabulous and I love it, but at the same time, I need a schedule. A reason to get up and get dressed everyday. Somewhere to go. I feel my best when I've gotten up and gotten ready and I'm working on something I'm passionate about. As I think about my swiftly approaching future, I'm wondering what I'm going to do with myself to stay busy. What am I going to do when I finish college? All my life what I've wanted to be most is a mother. And I still want that. But at the same time, I want more than that. I want a cause, something to pursue, something to be passionate about and constantly working towards. A reason to get up, get dressed, and get out of the house. I don't want to drown in a cycle of endless laundry and dinner making and soccer practice driving. I want something to stretch my mind and engage my brain cells the way I do in school.

As I prepare to leave for England in a week (!!!), I'm feeling rusty. I haven't been in class for a month and now I need to be ready to dive back in with professors and essays and assignments and Shakespeare and a schedule. I need it but geez! I definitely feel rusty. I feel like I need to blow the dust off my brain cells and start warming up my mind for some deep scholarly thinking. I think to prepare myself, I'll go read some books. Maybe watch David Tennant in Hamlet. It's been too long.

Sincerely, mad


  1. I feel the exact same way about the future. I want a family, but at the same time I know I'll have regrets if I don't pursue my passions and work on a career. I can't believe you're leaving for England so soon, how exciting! You've got this, girl! You'll be back in the swing of things in no time!! :)

    1. I'm so glad I'm not the only one! We are going to be so busy as adults/mothers/passionate workers, but we are going to have so so so much fun.:-)